This is part two of our “How Couples Can Support One Another Through the Infertility Experience series. For part one, please click here.
By: Holly Yager, M.Ed., RCC, CCC
Well Woman Counselling, Vancouver, B.C.
One of the dangers of a life that is overly fertility-focused is that of intimacy — both the emotional and the sexual kind — can become depleted. If you have been trying to conceive for any length of time, you are likely familiar with the concept of ‘sex on demand’ or doctor-prescribed sex, where intercourse is planned and takes place even when the couple is not ‘in the mood’. Sex can feel like work! If you are using fertility medications, the pressure can really be on to perform on-demand. And if you are using in vitro fertilization (IVF), some couples just say ‘why bother’ with sex?
You can keep the romance and spontaneity alive during the infertility journey by making an effort to connect sexually not just to conceive, but also on non-fertile days. This allows sex to become less about a ‘means to an end’ and more about the experience. The key here is to connect purely for the sake of pleasure.